This isn't about babies.

When I was a sophomore in college one of my dearest friends became pregnant. She and her boyfriend, who was and still is a very good person, struggled with what to do. Ultimately they made the choice to have an abortion. There was nothing easy or casual about that decision.

In those days abortion was illegal. They traveled to a small town in a neighboring state; what my friend suffered tragically fits the term “back-alley abortion.” She was fortunate to have emotional support: her mother went with her, as did the boyfriend. The abortion was a horrific, painful experience, just as making the decision had been a horrific, painful experience.

She got very sick after the abortion. She came very close to dying from the infection. She didn’t die, but she could no longer have children.

Now some might read this or hear of similar experiences and think, “Well, she deserved what she got.” You are wrong. You weren’t there. You didn’t know her. You have no concept of what it was like in those days. I know that she was not the only one to have to make a choice like this. Even if there was no infection afterwards, women have lived with the heartache of these choices (which really weren’t much of choice back in the late 1960’s) every day of their lives. Judge not.

We also need to face the reality that no laws will stop abortions. They will only stop medically safe abortions.

Many who chose to continue a pregnancy, to re-route every aspect of their lives and raise a child they were not prepared to birth or raise have also have endured heartache in other ways. Certainly there are joys in becoming a parent but those joys are greatly diminished when there is a severe lack of resources, both emotional and financial, to care for or raise a child.

I was fortunate. When I had children, I was a college graduate, my pregnancies were both welcomed and babies were desired by both me and my husband. As much as I adore my children (both adults with children of their own now) there is nothing easy about being a parent. I wish more people took parenting as the serious and all-consuming path that it is.

This week we have all faced the likelihood that the landmark case of Roe vs. Wade will be overturned and the decision of making abortion legal will reside with each individual state. I cannot argue either side of whether Roe vs. Wade is a flawed case, but I do know that it would be criminal to make abortion criminal.

Because it is not about babies. It is about a woman’s right to choose as it is her body, her life.

I don’t think the decision to have an abortion is ever an easy one. But it is a decision that the woman who is pregnant has the right to make. One might argue that this decision will also affect the father, the unborn child/fetus (more about that in a moment) and the family as a whole. There is some truth there, but the reality is that there is one person who will carry that child, one person who will give birth to that child and one person’s physical body that is at risk. Often it is that same one person who will be the primary if not the only caregiver for a child. For some a pregnancy is the result of trauma and abuse; it is not about picking out booties and celebrating at a baby shower.

It is interesting to me that many of the same people who howled about their individual rights to not wear a mask and not be vaccinated against Covid are now ready to throw a woman in jail if she so much as hints at exercising her own individual rights and choosing abortion.

When I was in seminary one of the case studies in our ethics class was about abortion. I came into that class totally pro-abortion. But what I realized in that class, in looking at the ethical and moral implications of abortion is that I was not pro-abortion. Yet I am 100% for allowing a woman to make her own choice. I do not believe I have the right to make that choice for her. So yes, you can be anti-abortion and also pro-choice.

One of the ethical questions that we discussed in the ethics class was this: When does life begin? At the moment of conception? At a certain number of weeks into the pregnancy? Does life begin when a child is born? I think this is the question that we each must answer. It is not a decided fact.

After thought, reading, listening and theological discussion, I came to believe that life begins at the moment of conception. However, this is just my personal opinion, not a scientific fact or medical reality. There is evidence that can support this opinion just as there is evidence that does not support it.

It costs me little to state that I would not choose to have an abortion. However, in truth, this is quite an easy statement for me to make since I am a 72 year old woman well past my child bearing years. I was never faced with such a decision when it would have truly been a decision. I find it interesting to see so many men stand upon their soap box railing against any and all abortions; it is a choice they will never have to make.

I firmly believe abortion is a personal decision, based on one’s own beliefs and one’s own situation. I certainly don’t believe it is a decision that should be determined by the courts and I don’t believe that I—or anyone else— have any right to tell another woman what she should or should not do when it comes to such a decision.

To present this as an issue of caring about children is about as hypocritical as it gets. Our lawmakers repeatedly refuse to fund adequate pre-natal care, pediatric care, child care, public education or even food assistance programs. The list is long when it comes to ignoring the needs of children and families. No. This is not about children. This is about the continuing sad story of trying to control and diminish women.

When my friend in college had her abortion, we still had a Dean of Women Students at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Her name was Kitty Carmichael. She might have been a very fine person; I did not know her personally. But her philosophy was that “women are fragile, small and precious.” As students, we rejected her portrayal; women had to score far higher on our SAT’s and get better grades than male applicants to even be accepted into Carolina in those days. I bring this up because there are those—many who remain in Congress and other power positions—who would like nothing better than keeping women in their “fragile, small and precious” box. Why do men think they have the right to make decisions for women?

Banning abortion will not make us a more moral society; if anything it will be one more step in destroying our morality as human beings, one more step towards destroying our humanity. There are many steps we can take to care for the least among us; banning abortion is not one of those steps.