Don’t get me wrong. I love the New York Times. I am a paid subscriber and I read the Times every day, plus I am totally addicted to the Mini Crossword Puzzle, Spelling Bee and Wordle.
But the Times got it way wrong when they suggested their Super Bowl menu: Hot Tofu Sliders. Seared Radicchio and Cheese. Crispy Chickpea Pancakes. Vegan Chocolate Chip Cookies. As we say about talking to Bruno: no! no! no! no!
Okay, if those foods float your boat then go for that menu. But I will be highly suspicious that your boat is a yacht with a private chef. The Super Bowl is not about a nouveau foodie paradise. It’s about tradition and the foods advertised in those $ 7 million for 30 seconds spots. Those Clydesdale horses are not pulling kombucha.
Hot tofu sliders?? Seriously. Is this a joke?
I am not really a football fan. I do cheer for the Carolina Panthers because I am a North Carolinian. I do cheer for the Broncos because my grandsons who used to live in Colorado are die-hard Broncos fans. I do not cheer for the New England Patriots because my grandsons have informed me they are cheaters and as their grandmother I am forbidden to cheer for cheaters. But I had to consult my sports genius nephew Matthew to get guidance on whom I should cheer for in tomorrow’s Super Bowl. He is going for the Rams but as he said, he doesn’t really care. Neither are his teams. But he’s going for the Rams so I will, too.
Now I know some people REALLY do care. We all have the teams we love. Mine just don’t tend to be football teams. I love basketball (especially Carolina basketball—okay, let’s not talk about that recent Duke game—arghhh!!!) and I really like baseball (my team loyalties roll around a bit here but I loyally cheered for the Boston Red Sox until they traded Mookie Betts and then the LA Dodgers became my team. Mookie and I share the same birthday and upon such data are loyalties built.
My team? Truthfully, none of them are really my team (other than UNC) as I don’t know enough about pro-sports to really have a team. But I do enjoy a good game even when I still have no idea how football works. Even after multiple seasons of Friday Night Lights I am still 90% clueless. Another reason we can never go to a real Super Bowl party is that my constant questions would not be well-received.
However, there are some loyalties you don’t just gloss over. I started to watch the Super Bowl because our grandsons were majorly into football. I needed to get with the program so I would have at least a vague clue of what and who they were talking about. After decades of finding alternative activities on Super Bowl Sunday, I convinced my husband we HAD to watch the Super Bowl each year. We don’t go to Super Bowl parties because we would totally humiliate ourselves with our lack of knowledge, but we do have our own little party. Any excuse to celebrate in the month of February is a great idea.
I only convinced Tom to watch the Super Bowl if it meant wings. Chicken wings. He can cook up some mean and crispy chicken wings. My mother who loved wings would be ecstatic. To me, wings are just bones and skin and I don’t support wings on the menu very often. Tom can have my share. But I eat them at our little annual mini-Super Bowl party. They taste fabulous that day.
The other staple of our party is the traditional melty Rotel/Velveeta dip with tortilla chips. Hot and tasty. It’s the only time we buy Velveeta but accept no substitutes. Don’t go generic on the block of “this really isn’t real cheese, you know?”; stick with Velveeta in that bright yellow box. It says volumes that you won’t find it on the dairy aisle at the grocery store. Check the pasta aisle. Go figure.
Guacamole is a fine addition to the table as well. You can’t go wrong with a good bowl of guac. Just please, no onions. Lots of lemon juice and no onions.
We haven’t added a dessert regular to our menu but I can guarantee it will not be vegan chocolate chip cookies. Apologies to my wonderful vegan friends, but really? For the Super Bowl when human beings are bashing each other about on the field? For a game that you have to wear a helmet and a mouthguard and pads over every part of your body that you cherish? It just doesn’t say vegan to me. Our dessert dance card is still undecided but brownies are at the head of the pack at the moment. After all, it’s a party, right?
So when I read the NY Times suggestions for a Super Bowl Party menu that started with hot tofu sliders, well, I just sang the Bruno song—NO! NO! NO! NO!
The great thing is that we each get to plan our own menu for the Super Bowl and if you go with those hot tofu sliders I say, go for it. Just not in our house, thank you.
I agree 💯 about a Super Bowl menu that starts with Tofu Sliders. What’s the point? I’m not a pro football fan, either but I’m going to root for the Bengals ‘cause they are the underdogs. I’m with you about UNC basketball. We also root for the Chicago Cubs for baseball but couldn’t care less about the rest. I’m definitely not a Duke fan but that hit a Clemson basketball player put on a Duke player a couple of days ago was terrible!
I needed a really good belly laugh this morning and I got my wish!!!! Thanks Jeanne. ❤️