I just finished reading Will Guidera’s book Unreasonable Hospitality: The Remarkable Power of Giving People More Than They Expect. It’s not the type of book I would normally check out of the library but this book (and the concept within it) was mentioned on an episode of the excellent (in my humble opinion) television series The Bear. In case you don’t know, The Bear is not a wild life show but one about a chef and all that happens in running a restaurant.
I was intrigued by the idea of unreasonable hospitality. When we dine out, we hope we will receive wonderful food, and yes, I think all restaurants have this as a goal. But Guidera’s hope was to also offer extraordinary hospitality in his (as Pete Wells of the NYTimes cited) “relentless, skillful campaign to spread joy.” The book is about paying attention to how we make people feel.
This brought to mind an experience Tom and I had many years ago when we were gifted with having dinner at the Inn at Little Washington. If you don’t know about this restaurant (and Inn) google it. The meal was undoubtedly the best meal I have ever had, but what I remember the most is that when it came time for dessert, the server graciously suggested that we might enjoy having dessert and coffee outside on the terrace next to their little stone pond in the garden. We thought that sounded lovely as it was a beautiful summer evening. As we sat there enjoying our dessert and coffee we were serenaded by a chorus of frogs singing from the pond. Now I know the Inn at Little Washington did not train those frogs but it was magical. Tom and I both remember that evening vividly. We cannot remember the menu (other than the fact that it was truly perfect) but we remember how the evening made us feel. We remember the hospitality.
I have no aspirations to start or run a restaurant (I can assure you it is not in my skill set) but I have thought quite a bit about how our actions make people feel. Small gracious gestures can make us feel like we are on the top of the world just as small unkind gestures can make us feel like we worthless. Trying each day to offer kindness and grace to others can make a difference in both their day and our own. I can’t think of a single business venture that would not benefit from offering unreasonable hospitality. I can’t think of a single person who would not benefit from paying attention to how we treat one another.
It was very difficult for me to sit down and write this blog post this week. I am a day late in posting simply because the world has felt very overwhelming lately. Ukraine is still battling Russia. Hamas invaded Israel where both sides are slaughtering one another. Thousands died in an earthquake in Afghanistan. Tommy Tuberville is still holding our military appointments hostage to his personal vendetta. Matt Gaetz and his band of destructive pranksters continue to refuse to pull up their big boy/big girl pants and act like adults. Donald Trump continues to haunt our country like someone out of a horror film. Sometimes the world seems more than I can bear. Sometimes the world seems full of hostility and completely lacking in any kind of grace and hospitality. We don’t have to look far to see how hate breeds hate.
The only path I know is to pay attention to my own actions and thoughts and keep the darkness from taking over me. One of our grandsons is a student at the University of Minnesota. The football team has a phrase they use (which might also be used in other campus endeavors): Row the boat. It’s a bit like focusing on the breath in meditation: breathe. Row the boat. Keep going. Do what you can do. Row. We can’t control the river but we do have oars in our hands.
I can’t control what is happening in the world but I can control how I behave, how I treat you, how I treat myself. I can keep rowing the boat and trying to move us towards, as poet Mary Oliver, says having our work be loving the world—
Are my boots old? Is my coat torn?
Am I no longer young and still not half-perfect? Let me
keep my mind on what matters…
Which is mostly rejoicing, since all ingredients are here…
Indeed, the world is hard to love at times but if we look, if we pay attention, we will find there is also much to love, to celebrate, to joyfully share with others. We can focus on our breath, focus on the little boat we are each rowing, listen with delight for the frogs singing in the night.
Thank you so much! You make my heart sing! And love it that Ann got the Atlas after my blog post. What a joy to know this!
Thanks, Larry. Always good to hear from you. Love to you and Sue! 💕