I recently had a bone scan. At my annual wellness check it was suggested that I have this DEXA scan to make sure my bones looked healthy and that I was not at risk of osteoporosis or likely to suffer a broken bone if I should fall. I had one of these scans about 7 years ago and my bones were super healthy so I wondered if a repeat was necessary but decided I should actually listen to my doctor. A novel approach.
This is probably the least invasive of all medical procedures. You lay on a table, fully clothed (as long as you don’t have any metal in your clothing or body), and the scanner (a very low x-ray) slowly travels over your body. It’s all done in less than 20 minutes.
I wasn’t worried about the results of this test since my last one had showed that I had the bones of Wonder Woman, so when I got the email that there was a message in my patient portal with the results, I went to my computer, entered my portal and found the results.
(More about portals in a few minutes.)
The results were not what I expected. There were only three words: Primary uterine failure. I got these results at 5 pm on a Friday afternoon. Of course. I read it again. The clinic office was closed so there was no one to call. Needless to say it was that word failure that was illuminated for me. And what did my uterus have to do with my bones?!! I emailed my primary care physician and basically said, “What on earth?!!! What does this mean?”
I did not expect to hear from him until the following week (remember, it was Friday at 5 pm) but later that night—at 5 minutes after midnight—he responded. When I saw the time of his response when I checked my email the next morning, I wondered, “Why on earth is he still at work on a Friday night after midnight?!” But yes, I was grateful.
The good news is that he said (in so many words), '“OMG, Jeanne. I am so so sorry. That is the term that Medicare uses to indicate that you have been through menopause.”
I wondered, “Could they not just say ‘meno-paused’ or anything a little more user-friendly? A little less alarming? Failure should not be a word used in a medical portal! Plus going through menopause is not a failure for a woman. Good grief!
So my doctor earned like a million gold stars for taking the time to be as mortified as I was horrified. My worries were put aside until I got another message today that I had another message in my patient portal. Down I dived and this time the news was much better: my bone scan was just fine and my bones were quite normal and healthy and well and good.
Now some of you, especially my male friends, are probably wondering, “Why on earth am I reading this blog about bone scans and menopause and uterine failure?” Simply because I am leading you into a short reflection about portals.
The only portals I regularly utilize are medical portals. Apparently these patient portals are immensely popular. I find it so interesting that the medical community decided to use the term portal to take us to reports of our medical information.
I do use my medical portal; I like that this information is readily and quickly available to me (though not always completely accurate). Somewhere along the line it got put in my portal that I had “pediatric macular degeneration.” This is a total mistake. I am not sure if there even is such a thing and I have never ever been diagnosed with even adult macular degeneration. But somewhere along the line, it was written in my portal and it seems there is no way to get rid of it. My doctor did manage to add a comment that says “Resolved” but that is the best even someone who cares for his patients 24/7 seems to be able to accomplish. Every year when I go for my annual eye exam, there is always the comment, “Really? Pediatric macular degeneration?!!?” No. Wrong. Resolved. Not that it ever existed or needed to be resolved.
I don’t know how the medical profession decided to come up with using the term portal for our medical information because the definition of a portal is a bit more mystical and magical.
Portals (also sometimes known as wormholes) are gateways into a different universe. We often have portals in literature—think Platform 9-3/4 in Harry Potter or down the rabbit hole with Alice in Wonderland or going through the wardrobe of C. S. Lewis’ The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
Portals take us to places that are almost beyond our imagination. The earliest writing about a portal is the 4,000-year-old Sumerian tale Epic of Gilgamesh, in which the hero travels through a mountain portal to the land of the gods.
I think that the human body is so amazing that it really is beyond our imagination. Perhaps that is why they chose to use portal as a medical term. I am curious to know if you have and use a patient portal. I hope the news you receive is not as alarming as what I received last week.
I hope there are magical portals in your life as well—real or imagined.
Interesting! We also use our medical portals but often can't translate the test results. They are written for other medical professionals, not for the patient. I think they need to include a "translate please" button to rephrase results into patient terms!
Hey Jeanne,
Thanks for the link and your blog. I have two patient portals, one with the VA Hospital and one with Mission Community Care in Spruce Pine. As an RN, they are a font of information for me. I have always been intrigued by the whole concept of "wormholes" and really do believe that they exist if only we could find them. Their exitance would certainly explain a few mysteries.
Glad you've got good bones!
Take care
Ed Seel