A good friend recently shared a true story about her daughter. A friend had set her daughter up with a blind date. Her daughter and the young man were taking a bus to the event they would attend. In the midst of the bus ride and conversation, my friend’s daughter realized she did not want to be with this date and did not even want to get to know him any better. She reached up and pulled the cord which let the bus driver know to stop at the next stop. She got up and got off the bus. End of date.
She pulled the cord.
I love this story because I think there are times in our lives when we need to reach up and pull the cord. We need to end something that we know is not where we need to be.
Pulling the cord is different that letting go.
I have done a lot of letting go, especially of material things. Moving from a 2400 square foot two-story three-bedroom condo to a 900 square foot one-bedroom apartment meant some things had to go and go they did. We sold a few things, donated carloads (literally carloads!) to various charities, gave things to friends and discarded things we should have discarded years before. The sense of peace we gained and the open, uncluttered space this offered allowed us to avoid having the past crowd out the present.
But I think letting go is easier than pulling the cord.
I recently pulled the cord by stepping aside from a committee leadership position. In truth I should have done it months before but I sometimes suffer from the “I can do it all” syndrome. And yes, we can stay on the bus of obligation, but it is often at a cost to our own well-being. Sometimes we need to realize that there are plenty of others who can do the job even better than we can. Yes, not just as well as us, but actually better than us.
Sometimes we need to realize that a committee or other demand on our time is also a demand on our very being. By pulling the cord we can open up an opportunity to do something that makes our heart truly sing. I know that sounds corny—it IS corny—but it is also true.
As I age I realize more and more that I do not need to do it all. In fact I need to choose very carefully what I do and the commitments I make. I tend to be a very positive person and am interested in a variety of activities. I like being involved. I love being invited to be involved, to get on the bus. But life is short and how we choose to spend our time matters.
I am learning to ask myself this question: Is this bus really heading to where I long to go? In order to have time to do the things I really enjoy, I have to sometimes say no and pull the cord.
I like to feel like I am contributing to my community, but that, for me, cannot be the goal of my every waking hour. I decided that 2023 was going to be my year to enjoy more music. I got a ukulele for Christmas and delight that I can play a few songs even with learning just a few basic chords. I will never be Jake Shimabukuro but I can have fun, playing on my own and even more fun with a group.
As I wrote in an earlier post on this blog, after over 40 years in the darkness, I pulled my mountain dulcimer out of the back of my closet, realizing I wanted to play again. Even though I had to pull the cord on my original dulcimer (that’s another story), but thanks to the generosity and kindness of friends, I am playing a beautiful dulcimer made by Berea luthier Warren May. Every day I get to practice (which is not a chore but a joy) and every week I get to play with a group whose talents and skills far exceed my own, yet their hospitality and help make playing music a true delight.
By pulling the cord on things which have come to feel like obligations, we make room for what we really want to be doing. We make more room for joy. I now try to think about invitations or requests to join a group or take on a new responsibility like a blind date: yes, this could turn out to be true love…or…maybe I should think very carefully before getting on this bus.
Are you on a bus that is taking you to joy or do you need to pull the cord and get off at the next stop?
I wish all of us had this kind of decision making ability. It would make life simpler!
This blog is one of my favorites. I am struggling with this too as I settle into a new life and environment here at Deerfield Retirement Community. I do love it here. And I do want to somehow be of service. So instead of jumping in I hope to sit back, settle in, which could take a year, and “follow my bliss” as one great writer suggested ( forgot his name). This is my last chapter and I want to slow down and reflect, laugh, have fun and cherish the beauty, the people, nature, go deeper into the mystery. 🙏 and into the music.