You know how sometimes at the beginning of a television program they warn you that what is coming may not be appropriate for all viewers? Well, consider this my warning that you may not want to keep reading because you are about to get a large helping of “woe is me.” Feel free to not keep reading this post. You have been warned.
We are coming to the end of 2023 and I can honestly say I am not sad to see it go. This has been a year of reminding me that I am not 20 years old any longer. I am not even 60 years old any longer. Yikes! I have now passed 70! This has been the year when my body decided it would send me a loud and clear message that it was time to take care of not only my mind and my soul but also my physical body. Ugh. That is so out of my skill set.
I got Covid this year. It was a nasty bout even though I am vaccinated and have been very careful overall. Still, Covid came and settled in upon me for a mean three week stretch. But I got through.
I had a surprise bout of sciatica this year. If you have never had an agonizing pinching in your back and/or hip, I hope you escape it. I learned what it meant to have PAIN in illuminated, flashing neon letters. Even physical therapy was no help. It finally went away. Finally.
My eyesight has not been great. I especially notice it when I am trying to read music and my eyesight seems to fade in and out. My annual visit with the opthalmologist showed no problems so I am going to go with that. Maybe old eyes just aren’t as sharp as young eyes.
And the latest is an incident of twisting my knee. I wish I could tell you this happened during a rousing game of pickleball or from jumping up and down at a rock and roll concert but the truth is I wrenched my left knee getting out of the car. Yes, you read that correctly. Getting out of the car. I have twisted my knee multiple times in the past but it was something that went away fairly quickly and with inconvenient but not excruciating pain. Almost 4 weeks have passed since I somehow managed to twist my knee to the point where I live with constant pain, even to the point of finding it hard to sleep at night and needing to use a cane to walk. I have been to an orthopedist, received a cortisone shot in my knee (I thought that would magically heal me but it didn’t help) and now I will probably need an MRI to determine if I have torn something. If that proves to be true I will most likely have to have surgery to repair the damage. Ugh. Ugh.
Before you delete this post as you moan about why on earth I would share this “organ recital” as old folks often call it, I just want to say: take care of your self and your self includes your physical self. I am terrible at doing this and it seems like terrible is now catching up with me.
I had intended to blog about setting intentions for the new year ahead and visions of the sugarplums of doing better, being better and trying better danced through my head. But first I needed to admit that pain is real and life is not always rosy. I know that so many people have it so much worse. I am not talking about on a global scale for we all know how that is more than true, more than just one painful knee. I have shelter. I have safety. I have food and water. I do not live in a war zone. I am fortunate in a million ways.
But even on a smaller scale I am so very fortunate. I have friends who have lost their spouses this year. This is a different kind of pain and one which I as of yet know nothing about. I shudder to even think about it. My heart aches for those who have lost so much this year.
We have friends who will not be here with us to celebrate 2024 making its entrance; those friends physical selves departed into the great beyond and we can no longer see or be with them for another year. Some had time to bid their goodbyes but others did not. Life is not easy or fair.
So yes, I know in the scope of life I have little to complain about. Only tell that to my knee when it is screaming in pain at 2 am. We cannot escape that we have this one physical body and maybe it is time to be a little kinder, a little more mindful about caring for it as we head into the year ahead.
Please don’t ask me to run a 5K with you or to eat kale everyday or to sign up for an aerobics class. If I said I would do that I would be a liar and I don’t find lies helpful in the least. I need to find the path that will work for me just as you find the path that works for you.
I am going to try. I am totally aware that I am not good at caring for my physical self. I never have been but I do believe that I have the ability to be better at this. I am going to try to do better. I am setting an intention to be more mindful of my physical self and treat it with more intentional kindness.
As 2023 slips out the door, I want to say that I am truly thankful for all I have and all the parts and pieces of my physical self that still work wonderfully well and yes, I know. I know that I am truly blessed to have the year ahead.
Jeanne, I am sure this struck a cord for many people. It did for me as I have also experienced some of the same health challenges. One of them, knee pain for a number of years, was resolved with a knee replacement. If you need it, I urge you not to put it off. It was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be (having never had surgery before, I thought it would be terrible). I had a good doctor, a great physical therapist here at Deerfield, and got along fine. I hope the new year brings you hope and peace and all the things that bring you joy (even if you have to have knee surgery!)
Pain is well pain and it can be so terrible. I can understand the whole Opioid Epidemic as people search for a way to relieve the pain. I have had hip pain so bad it put me on the floor and then I had a hip replacement and no more pain. Yikes. I also know the pain from Gout which seems to travel around my body with a life of its own. It is hard to watch the person you love be in so much pain and know that there is really nothing the observer or loved one can really do to help.