Some days there seems to be an overabundance of horror happening in our world. And some days there seems to be an overabundance of silliness. That is the nicest word I can think to use. Silliness. When I first catch a wave of this silliness, I sometimes think it can’t be real. Surely they jest. This must be an article by New Yorker satirist Andy Borowitz or one of the off the wall stories in The Onion. Too silly to be true, I think. But nope. There are real people making some claim or the other, fanning the flames of ridiculousness, spewing out their latest on the “culture wars” (whatever those really are), urging us to hate and join in their festival of lies even when we all know what they are encouraging is absurd.
But really? Attacking candy?!! How low can you go? Not just any candy but a truly iconic one: M&M’s. A candy that has been around since 1941 and has managed to stay out of trouble for all these years
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But then conservative nutcase Tucker Carlson lost his mind when M&M’s decided to change the footwear of one of it's female spokescandies. My first question is, “Does Tucker Carlson really think there are female and male M&M candies? Does he have a secret process for sexing candies?” So the Mars Candy company decided to swap out the little white go-go boots and stiletto heels for more practical (and might I add more comfortable) footwear.
“M&M’s will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous,” Carlson ranted. “Until the moment you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them.”
Really, Tucker? You want to have a drink with an M&M?
But Carlson didn’t stop there. He then had to attack the much loved Peanut M&M for being “obese.” I guess he makes his candies weigh-in before he eats them.
Do you see what I am saying about silliness? Is this what we are trading for intelligent news coverage of what is happening in Ukraine or what our eyes are being opened to in yet another killing of a young black man pulled over for a traffic stop?
The Mars Candy Company (thanks to Carlson’s comments going viral) has pulled their “spokescandies” and are bringing in comedian Maya Rudolph to speak for M&M’s. They seem to be pulling out of the ridiculous silliness of all this, though the kings and queens of no-real-news silliness are crowing that they have “won”. Hip! Hooray! Tucker did it! We are rid of those kind of—what? —candies?? Whew! What a relief!
But I wonder. The Mars Candy Company has only said they have given their colorful little spokescandies an “indefinite break” but they are simultaneously touting their new ads which will air during the Super Bowl. Hmmm… Now I am going to have to watch the Super Bowl because I suspect (or maybe I am just hoping) that these colorful characters are going to make a comeback and show their true colors.
While we wait for kick-off, buy a bag or three of M&M’s and make a point to only wear comfortable shoes.
And watch out, Tucker Carlson! Those lady M&M’s are coming for you!
Go girl! Love your blogs. Things are truly getting ridiculous 🙄
Another well-written, right-on essay. Some people will find something to whine about no matter how silly. Why can't the righties find good news to broadcast? I relish the days when they fight among themselves about pointless stuff. I miss 5 straight days of Rachel Madow sense!